I noticed yesterday that someone posted a really negative review about Carve Your Own Road on Amazon.com.  I read it and thought, “wow, that’s really personal.”  Initially it hurt my feelings, it’s never easy to get criticized…especially when you’re doing something you love and it’s coming from the heart.

I know when you put yourself out there you will get criticized, it’s inevitable.  A lot of people are fearful of putting themselves out there for that very reason.   When you decide to do something you’re really passionate about and if it’s public in any way you have to be prepared for criticism.

After getting over the initial hurt, I decided to create a way to view this criticism and the inevitable future critiques by this criteria:

1) Is there any truth to the criticism from my point of view?

2) Is the feedback balanced and constructive or was it just a pissed off person who likely bitches about everything?

3) What is the overall feedback and how does this critique compare?

After I did this I felt much better!  I think it’s important to look at this because no matter what you’re doing you’re going to get feedback and it’s important to create a way to evaluate it.  There’s some feedback that’s just not helpful and there’s good, constructive feedback that can make you better.

I was meeting with two women this morning who’ve just launched their own business together.  They were both laid off in the last few months and determined their best path forward was to start their own company.  They’ve both dreamed of doing it for a while and felt like now is the perfect time to do it. Last week, they were both very excited and up in the clouds because they were close to closing their first client.

When I met with them this morning, the deal hadn’t closed yet but is still in the works.  They were both a little down about it and were asking me if that’s normal.  Absolutely!  One of the things we found when we were interviewing people for Carve Your Own Road was that it always takes longer for things to happen than what you envisioned. We all want it to happen immediately, but it does take some time.  It can be extremely frustrating, but just know that everyone experiences it!

They thought that all my days now must be perfect, but I was telling them that I’m in the place right now of defining the next level for me and it all feels a little foggy at the moment.  I think that surprised them, but I explained that you’re always evolving and growing.

You may hit your goals and be very excited about it, but eventually it’s time for new goals and to evolve and grow.  I believe if you don’t choose to evolve and grow, you will be forced to.  Things are always changing, whether we want them to or not.  The pace of change has increased dramatically and I don’t think it’s going to slow down anytime soon.  It’s much better to be ahead of the curve rather than being forced to change because you’re too late.

My point is this; even if you are doing what you want to be doing…you will still have good days and bad days.  It will never be absolutely perfect, but it is so much better to have a bad day doing what you want to do rather than having a bad day doing something you despise or don’t enjoy!

I’ve had the privilege of working for the last month with an amazing group of women from the American Institute of Interior Designers (ASID) in Atlanta.  Shawn Alshut is a member of the organization and when she found herself in career transition she decided to do something to help create a sense of community around what was happening to herself and her colleagues.  She launched the Silver Lining group within the ASID organization so that others who were in career transition would have a community to connect with.  Shawn knew that a lot of the people who had been laid off would need some support and help with finding another job.

One of the women in the group, Claire Pardo, decided to enter a competition sponsored by Architecture for Humanity to design a school in India.  She invited other members of the Silver Lining group to participate.  This project gives them something meaningful to focus on while searching for a job as well as adding to their portfolios.

I’ve been inspired by all of the women in this group for how they’ve come together and created such a strong sense of community.  They decided to focus on moving forward and to find ways to be inspired and motivated rather than feeling sorry for themselves and the situation they found themselves in, plus they’re helping each other in the process.

There are a lot of people coming together during this economic downturn, that is truly the silver lining.  I’ve felt more of a strong sense of community in this country since January 2009 than I’ve felt in a long time!

I did something completely outside my comfort zone this weekend.  I did a “track day” at Road Atlanta with the BMW CCA Driving School.  My husband has done it several times and wanted me to come and try it for myself with him this weekend.

I got on the track early on Saturday morning with my instructor and 30 other cars.  I’m wearing a helmet and an earpiece so I can communicate with my instructor and my brain is screaming at me, “What the hell are you doing!! This is scary!”  So, they give us the go signal and I enter the track with all the other cars and drivers (99% men) and I must say my brain went into complete overload.

It was trying to process all this new information and put it into action at the same time.  I felt completely overwhelmed and I was scared that I would be so slow that everyone would make fun of me.  (Funny, how we do this to ourselves).  I got off the track after my first session, secretly not wanting to go back out again.  I was afraid it would be hard for me to learn and I would look stupid.  (another funny thing we tell ourselves)

I went out again after that first terrifying session and things started to come into focus and I improved a little.  Each time I went out over the weekend I improved and by the end of the weekend I was really having fun and pushing my limits with the car.  It felt really good to try something so far outside my comfort zone and to really have fun with it.

My husband asked me if I was surprised about anything about my experience this weekend.  I told him it was kind of cool to be an observer watching my brain and inner voice freak out and not want to do it for fear of looking stupid.  And then to do it anyway and see the great results I got.  The other key learning is that the instructor told me to focus my eyes on where I want to go with the car, because that’s where the car will go.  Wherever you focus is where you will go….that’s also very applicable to life.

The reason I share this is we all deal with new opportunities or situations that make us feel uncomfortable and it’s feels great to push beyond those initial fears and do it anyway.  That little voice inside our head isn’t always right and it sometimes serves only to hold us back.

Being successful, but unfulfilled is rampant in the world of work especially for people who are mid-life/mid-career. It happened to me and I realized that I didn’t feel like I was doing work that held any real meaning or that was having the kind of impact I craved. I felt empty inside despite making a good income and getting regular promotions. It took the dot.com bust and getting laid off while I was working and living in London for me to do some deep reflection about who I was, who I wanted to be and what I really cared about.

Last week I was having coffee with 27-year old woman who had just gotten laid off. She told me she thought it was a blessing because she was getting paid well and could have easily stayed on endlessly in this job, but that it didn’t “feed her soul”. She talked about having an impact and wanting meaning in her work, which made me smile. When I was 27, I certainly didn’t have that level of awareness!

As things continue to change in our economy and world, I think people are looking for work that “feeds their soul” where they can have an impact in some way, shape or form. At least, a lot of the people I’m interacting with right now are. Work and life bleeds into each other and if you are doing something that makes you feel good at work, it affects your life. You can’t compartmentalize yourself, you’re one being….not a “work being” and a “life being”. At the same time, if your life at home isn’t going well it affects your work.

It takes deep some soul searching and fortitude to find or create work that is meaningful to you. I’m glad I took the time to do it and I know a lot of people that are using this time of turmoil to explore what that means for them going forward. I imagine we will all be better for it on the other side of this.

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I received an email today from a woman who made a great point.  I’ve heard this from so many people but I thought she articulated it so well.  Here is an excerpt:

I have a lot of people saying, “you are young, creative, BUT, you should….”
They are all on my side and they have contributed a great amount to my life thus far, but they are suggesting that I try to do things that will help them feel better about my future.

What an amazing statement!  The people around us do care about us and they try to give advice that will make them feel good about the path we’re on so we’ll be safe in their eyes. Unfortunately, there’s no such thing as safe.  The best path to be on is one of your own creation, one that you’re passionate about and one that you can follow with complete integrity.

I was speaking at the American Institute of Architects meeting in Atlanta last week when a woman came up to me and said, “I love your title, Carve Your Own Road.  Unfortunately, I feel like I’m in the rut of a road that someone else carved and I need to dig my way out!”

There’s never been a better time to carve your own road and to focus on what you’re passionate about.  You may not get to focus 100% on it today because of the need to make a living, but I assure you if you take the time to figure out what your path is and take small steps every day in that direction; before you know it your life will have changed.

When has there ever been a better time to get clear about what YOU want, not what others want for you?

I got an email this morning from Marc Cenedella who is the CEO of The Ladders, a job board for people making six figures or more. In the email, Marc is shares a note from one of his subscribers, Roger Van Parys who’s had success. The wonderful thing about this man is he’s 69 years old and doesn’t feel limited by his age, sees the world in a positive light, and it seems he has a constant flow of new opportunities. Here is an excerpt from his note:

“My career field is international construction. International projects are a somewhat narrow slice of the employment pie, but it does have its rewards. It pays well, requires a bit of “out-of-the-box” thinking, and gives me an opportunity to discover other cultures.

My wife says that I am just too cheap to take her on a vacation. However we have spent a great number of years living abroad, which she would agree wasn’t that unpleasant. I remember strolling in the surf along the shore of the Aegean and her commenting that people pay a lot of money to do what we do and we are paid for it. Life truly is grand.

The main reason I am writing is my age… I am 69 and find myself in constant demand. I make mid 6 figure income and pick my projects. I wanted to share this because there are a lot of people out there who think that age is a deterrent. What my employers hire is a 45-year-old with 24 years’ experience. Experience is knowing what works and what doesn’t… Savvy employers are quick to pick up on this and avoid reinventing the wheel.

Success in job hunting for a mature candidate takes an open mind to location, flexibility, and a sense of humor. The latter is especially important in international work. One finds that things definitely are not the same the world over.

I tried retirement for a year and found it too confining. Listening to my friends discuss their aches and pains got to be a real drag. Today I work with bright, focused individuals who are constantly teaching this old dog new tricks… I love it as it keeps me young, reasonably up to date and makes me a better manager.

I enjoyed reading his note and thought I would share it with you. I do believe age is what you make of it, there are always people who continue to prosper in spite of obstacles like a down economy and age. What do you think makes the difference? I would love to hear your thoughts on this…

I was recently having lunch with a friend of mine who was laid off several months ago. She had just received a job offer that was very good, however the position was doing virtually the same thing she was doing before and she had determined to use this time to make a career change. I think the timing is great to assess what you really want out of your career and focus on making the changes you would like to make, but you have to balance that with your financial situation.

As we continued the discussion, she told me she was grateful for the offer because she really needed it financially. She was trying to decide what to do and was really struggling with it, which I completely understand. You don’t want to continue doing something you don’t want to do and stay in that vicious cycle. However, in this economic climate I suggested she take the position and view it as a short-term gig to tide her over until things begin to turn around. It’s still very important not to forget your dreams and to continue to focus on what you really want, even if you’re doing things like reading about it, taking classes, meeting with people in that industry, etc.

I’m all about following your dreams and your passion, but if you’re in a tough financial situation and you get a job offer it might make sense to take it for the short-term even if it’s not ideal. It’s a balancing act, but if you’re in a desperate financial situation it will be really hard to follow your dreams and make any significant headway. You don’t want to be in survival mode if you can avoid it because it forces you to make decisions that aren’t best for you.

During the last big downturn in 2001, I was out of work and offered a job at a much reduced salary but I took it and was grateful. I still focused on trying to figure out what I really wanted and used that time to explore multiple options. You can view a job as a short-term opportunity and not feel guilty about it. The career landscape has changed and you have to look out for yourself. That’s not to say that you don’t work hard if you take a short-term opportunity, you can still do a good job and focus on yourself and what you want.

We have Daryn Kagan highlighted as a “Roadie Profile” this month and it’s very appropriate because her new book, What’s Possible! 50 Stories of People Who Dared to Dream They Could Make a Difference is out in bookstores this month.  Her book is a collection of true stories of people who dreamed big and overcame big obstacles to achieve their goals.  She has stories of people from all walks of life plus some very inspirational entrepreneurs.  I encourage you to check it out!

I must say Daryn inspires me every day, I get a feed from her website and get my daily dose of good news.  I have opted out of television news because it’s so heavily focused on negative and sensational stories.  I prefer to watch things that inspire me and keep me moving forward rather than living in fear of what might possibly happen.  She has really accomplished a lot after leaving CNN and it’s great to see someone being successful focusing on positive things!

I’m very excited about the re-launch of our website, this has been in the works for a long time and it’s wonderful to see it all come together. I’m not a detail-oriented person, (much to the dismay of people who know me well) I tend to be a big picture and an idea person. I realized that for something like this to come together I needed some great people to work with who can help me take my ideas and make them real. Hannah Bower of Bower Communications has been an absolute godsend, she’s helped me in more ways than I imagined. She helped to create the vision for this website and has helped drive the completion of it and continues to help me explore all the possibilities that exist. I honestly don’t know what I would do without her.

I’ve learned how important it is to work with or hire people who are really good at the things I’m not. I’ve had to honestly assess my limitations and weaknesses and decide where I want to focus my energy. I realized that focusing on my weaknesses is probably not the best use of my time, it depletes my energy to do things I’m not particularly good at or enjoy. When I’m focused on what I love to do and bring on people who bridge the gap of my limitations, I’ve learned that the end product is much better than what I originally imagined.

We’re continuing to build on the platform we’ve just created for this website, and I hope you’ll love it and get a lot of value from it. There will be an editorial calendar for each month and we’ll host webinars and podcasts that are focused on that month’s theme. We’re also building an online community and we’ll have fresh content from entrepreneurial experts, everyday people and partner organizations that are ready to help you take your entrepreneur and intrapreneur ambitions from concept to reality. The website is also much more interactive and the goal is to help foster your entrepreneurial spirit –we’re really excited about it!

Jeremy and Tamara Kitchen from Kitchco built this site for us. I have to say this is absolutely the best experience I’ve had working with a website development company. They have been wonderful to work with and I’m so happy because it turned out better than I had imagined. I love it when that happens!

We would love to hear your feedback on the new site and ideas for what you’d like to see in the future, so feel free to email me or post a response.