In Carve Your Own Road, one of the things we mention is the importance of writing out a vision statement for your life and your career.  I started doing this two years ago and here’s an excerpt of mine from the book about something that has been very important to me:

I see myself taking time off between December 15 and February 1, and again from July 1 to August 15 to regenerate, relax, and have fun with family and friends in exotic locations. 

This was always something we wished we could do, but never thought it was possible.  After writing it down and looking at it regularly I recently realized we could already do this, it was just a matter of deciding to do it.  So, this year we’re going away from December 25 to January 6 to Thailand and then next summer we’re renting a place on Lake Como in Italy for a month and inviting family and friends to join us. We’re planning now and setting expectations that we will be gone next summer for a month and I’m so excited about it!

It’s wonderful to see some of the vision statement coming true even if it isn’t exactly what I wrote down.  The key is beginning to move in that direction and setting a clear picture for what you want to do.  A lot of people right now are talking about the reality of the tough circumstances of our economy and they believe they have to just endure and put their nose to the grindstone.   I agree that you have to focus on what’s in front of you, but it’s so important to create a vision for the your future so that you can have something that you’re working towards that gives you energy.

When I first started my company, I wasn’t doing exactly what I wanted to do but I knew that I was working towards what I wanted so it helped by reframing my current circumstances and gave me the energy and motivation to get up every day and build momentum towards my goals.  I’m hearing from a lot of people about how tough it is right now and I’ve been there before as well. If you can take the time to put a plan in place and being working towards it you will feel much better about your current circumstances because you can start to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I’m excited announce the launch of the Panta Rei Retreat, it’s a spa and workshop weekend at the luxurious Sutton Mill Inn where people can step out of their busy lives in a nice setting with some time for expansive thinking about what’s next in their lives and careers.  After doing workshops and conferences at hotels I decided it would be nice to do it in a natural setting and away from all the distractions of daily life to do this type of thinking.  Plus, I’m including massages, wine tasting and chef prepared meals….all things I love!  I figure it’s good to get pampered while you’re doing some deep thinking!

The first one is the weekend of September 25 and I’m looking forward to it. I’ve heard from many people recently that with all the turmoil in the world they want to know, “What’s next for me?” and people are so busy with their lives they don’t have the time or the space to really think this through.  My plan is for these retreats to be a great place to answer the bigger questions as well to have a great time.

Joe and I are headed up to the Sutton Mill Inn this weekend for a little relaxation and some planning on my part.

Many of us find it hard to say no.  Often times when we do say no to something we feel the need to give reasons for it.  In one of my workshops recently a woman made the statement that she felt free when she realized that the word “no” is a complete sentence.  I love that!  We don’t have to justify our decisions to others when we are choosing what’s best for us. I’m not saying to be belligerent about it, but you don’t always have to justify your decisions.

In the last 5 years I’ve learned to recognize when I’m in a situation with a client that isn’t good for me and to put a transition plan in place so that I can focus on the things I want to focus on. It’s not always easy to do it, but when you can say no to a situation that isn’t serving you it creates a space for new opportunities to come in.

The other thing I’ve learned to do is to say no to social events, dinners and other things I get invited to that I really don’t want to participate in.  I used to go because I felt like needed to (not sure why?) and then once I got there I couldn’t wait to head for the door.  Now, I spend my time doing the things I want to do and with the people I want to be with.  Time is so precious these days, I only want to spend it doing the things I want to do and I don’t have room any longer for those other things.  Some people may think that’s selfish, but I’m okay with that

This morning I was re-reading a book today by Gregg Braden called The Spontaneous Healing of Belief , there is a section in his book that I think is particularly powerful as it relates to clarity and the power of emotion and thought:

Emotion is the power source that drives us forward in life.  Love or fear is the driving force that propels us through the walls of resistance and catapults us beyond the barriers that keep us from our goals, dreams, and desires.   Just as the power of an engine needs to be harnessed for it to be useful, the power of emotion must be channeled and focused for it to serves us in our lives.  When we don’t have clear direction, our emotions can become scattered and chaotic.  We’ve all known the drama and chaos that often accompanies people who deal with life purely on this basis.

Our emotions can serve us, or they can destroy us.  Which experience we have is determined by our ability to harness them and give them direction.  That’s where the power of thought comes in. 

What I’ve found particularly useful in my life is to get clarity and then connect to it emotionally every day, it helps propel me forward to take action in the right direction.  When I don’t have clarity I feel like I’m just taking action and running around on a hamster wheel making no progress at all!

I really love Gregg Braden’s work, check out his books if you find this type of  information intriguing:)

I noticed yesterday that someone posted a really negative review about Carve Your Own Road on Amazon.com.  I read it and thought, “wow, that’s really personal.”  Initially it hurt my feelings, it’s never easy to get criticized…especially when you’re doing something you love and it’s coming from the heart.

I know when you put yourself out there you will get criticized, it’s inevitable.  A lot of people are fearful of putting themselves out there for that very reason.   When you decide to do something you’re really passionate about and if it’s public in any way you have to be prepared for criticism.

After getting over the initial hurt, I decided to create a way to view this criticism and the inevitable future critiques by this criteria:

1) Is there any truth to the criticism from my point of view?

2) Is the feedback balanced and constructive or was it just a pissed off person who likely bitches about everything?

3) What is the overall feedback and how does this critique compare?

After I did this I felt much better!  I think it’s important to look at this because no matter what you’re doing you’re going to get feedback and it’s important to create a way to evaluate it.  There’s some feedback that’s just not helpful and there’s good, constructive feedback that can make you better.

I’ve recently found myself craving a new adventure and after talking to Joe about it we’ve decided to plan a trip to Thailand.  In the last two weeks  we’ve been researching places to stay and what to do and it occurs to me that part of the fun of a trip for me is the planning and anticipation of it.  That part of it also lasts a lot longer too!  I love researching places to stay, things to see, where to eat and imagining myself there.

The process of planning and anticipating a trip can be applied to just about anything you want to do.  If you can find a goal or something to focus on in life that you’re really excited about, it gives you the energy and motivation to research it, plan it and then do it.

I would love to hear from any of you who’ve been to Thailand and have tips or recommended places you think we shouldn’t miss!

I was meeting with two women this morning who’ve just launched their own business together.  They were both laid off in the last few months and determined their best path forward was to start their own company.  They’ve both dreamed of doing it for a while and felt like now is the perfect time to do it. Last week, they were both very excited and up in the clouds because they were close to closing their first client.

When I met with them this morning, the deal hadn’t closed yet but is still in the works.  They were both a little down about it and were asking me if that’s normal.  Absolutely!  One of the things we found when we were interviewing people for Carve Your Own Road was that it always takes longer for things to happen than what you envisioned. We all want it to happen immediately, but it does take some time.  It can be extremely frustrating, but just know that everyone experiences it!

They thought that all my days now must be perfect, but I was telling them that I’m in the place right now of defining the next level for me and it all feels a little foggy at the moment.  I think that surprised them, but I explained that you’re always evolving and growing.

You may hit your goals and be very excited about it, but eventually it’s time for new goals and to evolve and grow.  I believe if you don’t choose to evolve and grow, you will be forced to.  Things are always changing, whether we want them to or not.  The pace of change has increased dramatically and I don’t think it’s going to slow down anytime soon.  It’s much better to be ahead of the curve rather than being forced to change because you’re too late.

My point is this; even if you are doing what you want to be doing…you will still have good days and bad days.  It will never be absolutely perfect, but it is so much better to have a bad day doing what you want to do rather than having a bad day doing something you despise or don’t enjoy!

I’ve been doing some radio interviews with the launch of the book and several people have commented that it seems like Joe and I have the perfect marriage.  I’m not sure there is such a thing!

We’ve been through a lot during the 14 years we’ve been married, some good, some bad - just like everyone else.  We’ve had moments where we didn’t like each other very much and our paths diverged temporarily.  But I would say mostly, we’ve had great experiences and have grown together.

Those comments got me thinking and yes, we do have a great marriage and I’m so grateful for it but it certainly isn’t perfect.  It’s work.  I think if we’re kidding ourselves to say  that marriage isn’t.  It takes dedication and commitment to communicating and giving the other person space to be fully who they are.  One of the things that has worked well for us is that we allow each other to be individuals who share a life with a common vision for what we’re creating together as a couple.

When we graduated from college, our ideas of success were fairly limited to what society taught us - get a job, move up the corporate ladder, etc. etc. and we pursued that with vigor.  Now, we’ve redefined success and what that means for each of us together and separately.  It’s a very different definition than it was 14 years ago! Today, we’re more focused on creating value and having an impact, having great experiences and living life to the fullest.

The fact that we traveled around the country together to interview people for this book and wrote the book together is tremendous.  It was a wonderful experience for both of us.  We did have some tense moments on the road, but we set some ground rules before we left that made a big difference.  We said that if one of us was having a “moment” the other person would allow them the space to have “their moment” without adding to it.  A very simple but powerful thing.  We’ve carried that over to our normal life at home and it’s pretty powerful.

I actually think that’s a good rule to live by with anyone in your life!

I’ve had the privilege of working for the last month with an amazing group of women from the American Institute of Interior Designers (ASID) in Atlanta.  Shawn Alshut is a member of the organization and when she found herself in career transition she decided to do something to help create a sense of community around what was happening to herself and her colleagues.  She launched the Silver Lining group within the ASID organization so that others who were in career transition would have a community to connect with.  Shawn knew that a lot of the people who had been laid off would need some support and help with finding another job.

One of the women in the group, Claire Pardo, decided to enter a competition sponsored by Architecture for Humanity to design a school in India.  She invited other members of the Silver Lining group to participate.  This project gives them something meaningful to focus on while searching for a job as well as adding to their portfolios.

I’ve been inspired by all of the women in this group for how they’ve come together and created such a strong sense of community.  They decided to focus on moving forward and to find ways to be inspired and motivated rather than feeling sorry for themselves and the situation they found themselves in, plus they’re helping each other in the process.

There are a lot of people coming together during this economic downturn, that is truly the silver lining.  I’ve felt more of a strong sense of community in this country since January 2009 than I’ve felt in a long time!

Our book, Carve Your Own Road officially launches tomorrow!  I’m very excited that this day is here and it’s wonderful to see something I envisioned become a real thing.  Career Press, our publisher sent us a box with 40 books a few weeks ago.  I opened the box and there they were! It took a while for it to sink in that the thing I had worked on and dreamed about for over two years was actually a reality.

When we took this project on we didn’t have a publisher, but I knew somehow that it would get published some day.  We invested our own money and traveled around the country to interview people for the book because I felt like this story needed to be told.  Our first round with publishers didn’t work out, so after our travels and interviews I revised the book proposal and we sent it out to publishers for a second round.  I have to admit that I was a bit frustrated, but was still undeterred.  I really wanted to the book to be published last year, but it seems to me that the timing for the book coming out now is perfect.

My hope is that this book will help and inspire many of the people who find themselves in transition right now, as well as those who are worried about their futures.  I think that now is the perfect time to put a plan together for what you want for your future, even and especially, if you have to take a job in the interim that isn’t exactly what you want to do.

I see many people who year after year don’t take the time get clarity about what they want and they end up moving to another company continually seeking greener grass, only to find that the grass isn’t greener…it’s just different grass.  You won’t find happiness and purpose in your job or your company, that is fleeting.  Management teams come and go, mergers happen, layoffs happen…. You must find it within yourself and take it with you wherever you go.  When you do that, you are much more in control and your experience is completely different no matter where you are.

This book is truly about working and living on your own terms.  There’s no magic pill unfortunately but you can do it with intentional planning.  Small steps every day towards what you want build momentum and over time you will find yourself living and working in the way you intended.